Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
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i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
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Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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