I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
