Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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