okay pat passed out under dana's car
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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