And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
