Are we in a gay sports bar?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
