chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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