im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
That's when you crack a 10am beer
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
