meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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