Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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