this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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