Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
