Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
