Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
