Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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