Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
