I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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