You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
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It's a stoner's country song.
Afro Man should be the one to record it.
When you don't have a car, that is deep shit.
She took the dog and broke the bong? Fuck man.
Whatever, other than needing a new bong, that all sounds like winning to me!
Needs a pickup truck, your momma, and prison.