You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
