think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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