Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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