ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
