do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
