we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize