You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
