In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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