if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
