My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
