You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Randomize