Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
