Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
even my farts smell like vagina
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
