around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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