Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
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