i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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