We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
