WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
