Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
this will be a night to untag.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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