I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
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You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
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My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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