wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
