He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize