did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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