Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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