i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
