Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
