TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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