I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
last night I used snow as a chaser
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
