I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
