Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
