You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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