Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
