is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
