I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
