You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
