for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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