If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
