I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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