From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
