Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize