we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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