In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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