im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
