take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Randomize
