Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
