Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
