Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
