May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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