woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize