please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
