Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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