Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
