Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
