I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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