Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Randomize
